Are Your Core Desires Coming Into Play in Your Family Relationships?
In the spirit of Valentine’s Day, I’d like to share a story about my relationship with my beautiful wife, Marci.
My wife loves poetry, and for years I did not. In the early years of our marriage she tried to share her love for poetry with me, but I told her I just wasn’t interested.
I wasn’t ever very sensitive or considerate about it either.
Later, I came to learn that not only did I hurt her feelings, but by being so adamant in my distaste, I forced part of her to close down. Not being able to share something that was so important to her with me actually limited our relationship.
I simply couldn’t envision acquiring a taste for poetry, let alone ever becoming enamored with it, as she was. This was a major obstacle I didn’t know how to overcome!
So, I began asking myself what my Core Desires were concerning my wife.
I know that I want to know all about her – to truly understand her heart. I know that when I am able to give her what she needs and wants, we feel closer.
Upon these examinations, I could easily see that my Core Desire was never going to be poetry, but that understanding her was already a 100 on my Core Desire Scale.
Once I understood this, I began to want to know why poetry touched her so much. What was it about poetry that made her happy? When I began to ask her these questions, she lit up!
I could see that I was bringing her a great deal of joy just by caring enough to ask.
This was the first stage of my poetry experience with my wife. After truly understanding the impact poetry could have on her, I was motivated to please her, in some way, in this matter.
Since we go on dates every Friday night, I went to the bookstore and bought two books on poetry before our next date. I had now progressed to stage two.
I planned a picnic in a beautiful park. After we ate, I pulled out the two books and said, “I’d like to read some poetry to you.”
Her eyes widened, her mouth dropped open, and she smiled and said, “Okay!”
I opened the first book and began to read the first poem. It was a short poem – only about 8 lines long. I probably didn’t read it very well, but Marci got a kick out of my efforts! When she told me she liked it, I asked her what she liked about it.
She began to explain what the words meant to her and how they made her feel. I was so happy to be able to bring her that kind of joy. Then she told me it was even more enjoyable for her because I brought it and read it to her.
Now that was music to my ears!
When we had finished reading both books, I felt like a million dollars for making her happy by doing something she really loved, and she told me she fell in love with me all over again!
Later, I even tried to write a poem about my love for her. This was definitely stage three! The poem may have been poor, but she was so pleased that the quality of it didn’t matter. I have written her several poems since then.
If you had told me before that one day I would not only read poetry but write it, I would have said, “Impossible!”
Always use the word impossible with caution, however, because your Conquering Force knows no such thing as failure. If it is a genuine Core Desire, anything is possible. My persistence became automatic once I defined my Core Desire, which was to bring joy to my wife.
In all of areas of life, the driving force that causes anything to happen with a high degree of joy and satisfaction is a Core Desire. If your desire is there, it’s assured that you can achieve a close family unit.
The results you achieve will be directly proportional to what you want and what you do. How soon you achieve your desired results is also directly related to how much you want them.
If you are committed to something 100% in your family relationships, you can achieve it, especially if you seek direction on how to make it happen.
To achieve satisfying family unity, you need to be very clear about your Core Desires regarding your relationships.
Virtually everything you want in your family has to do with feelings. For example, you may want to feel closer to your spouse because this makes you feel accepted, appreciated, valuable, and loved.
When you identify these areas of Core Desire in your relationships, it can have a positive affect on every other area of your life.